Why do they call it a writing exercise if it doesn't help you lose weight?

Today while I was at the MOMAU-11 Change of Command, I had the overwhelming urge to drop my camera and just go for a run. I felt like getting all sweaty and really working hard to achieve a fitness goal. Then just as suddenly I felt a hunger pain and realized I was delusional due to lack of food. Also, I hadn’t the opportunity to drink a full cup of coffee and therefore, possibly could have been dreaming.

I really would love to get into better physical shape. Maybe make it back down to a size six. Only by Abercrombie and Hollister standards can I be considered a fatty, but at the same time, I would love to have everything in my closet feel comfortable or be too big (because then I could justifiably shop for new stuff). Other than my Grandmama (who is shrinking with age and therefore, shouldn’t count), I’m probably the smallest female in my family, but I feel that one day genetics is going to look over it’s shoulder and point it’s chubby little finger at me and say – come here little piggy I haven't picked on you yet . I need to start doing something soon.

I simply can’t deprive myself of a particular type of food because the moment I tell myself that I can’t have it, I will drive myself crazy with want for my own personal forbidden fruit (which typically isn’t even a fruit at all, but rich and chocolatey). Plus, I don’t really overeat. More like I coast along each day with minimal movement.

I am still planning on going to the beginner’s yoga class this Sunday and I’m really looking forward to it. However, just because I plan to go to 1 yoga class 1 day of the week doesn’t mean that I can neglect any sort of physicality for the rest of the week. I need to find something else that will hold my interest other than krumping around my living room.

For a while I thought about taking one of those pole dancing classes that is all the rage with suburb soccer moms / closet hooker freaks but they want to charge me like $75 per class, or like $600 for a 2 or 3 month membership. That’s ridiculous unless I’m getting college credit.

Christopher and I used to run together but I always felt like I was holding him back because, well let’s face it, my run is more like a slightly faster walk with more bounce added in. Plus, we always had to wait for him to get home from work at 11 at night because then it would finally be cool enough to exercise outdoors.

I’ll figure something out. A solution that doesn’t break the bank would be preferable. Maybe I’ll really like yoga and decide it’s my new passion and that I feel like doing deep breathing and outrageous stretching everyday from Sunday on. We’ll see.

There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
- Dorothy Parker