Miss, Depression doesn't look good on me, can I try on something that's more me?

The title says it all. I'm depressed but I am approaching my current state of mind with a very clinical and somewhat cynical eye. "What is wrong with you?" I ask myself. There must be some 1 thing that has driven me to my current "Can I just sleep for five more days Mom" mentality.

Do you know how some people get depressed and it's almost like it ... suits them? They come out of it having lost weight from lack of appetite. I'm not that person at all. Number one my depression is lasting. First I get upset from the situation and then I get upset with myself for getting depressed and eating everything in my house - such as an entire jar of cocktail olives in one night, a box of mac and cheese and good Lord help me if I happen to have hershey's chocolate syrup in my fridge.

Since Christopher moved to Miami, we have lost touch with just who exactly the other person is. When there was a physical closeness between the two of us, other things seemed to come somewhat easier - such as the much needed emotional connection. Yet now that he is gone, and has been gone since September 08, I can't seem to muster any feelings of love toward him because I feel abandoned.

Over the Christmas and New Year's holiday, my little brother, Coda, went through a pretty traumatic experience which landed him in the hospital for more than a couple of weeks and really had my family worried. Coda is a major part of my life and I had to be strong for him and for my mom but when it came time to be at home I really needed some help being strong. I asked Christopher to come to Charleston but he didn't. He had his fair share of words of ridicule for my little brother for getting hurt in the first place but he couldn't seem to muster any words of compassion and support. This may be the end. I feel like his actions are completely unacceptable.