all hail the liquid of the Gods, save me from pups in puberty

It’s the beginning of a new week and there are so many changes. This is my first week without Christopher in what will be our next year to 2 years of ‘Living Long Distance.”

I was awfully sad most of Saturday as I watched him do his last minute packing. Then I was overjoyed when he said he would stay for just one more night and leave Sunday morning. So we dinnered together and talked and laughed and cuddled and everything was great. But Sunday came all too soon and of course he had to go.

He started his new job this morning and from what I can tell, it is going to keep him mighty busy. He hasn’t had the opportunity to clue me in on what his first impressions of the people are as of yet. However, Christopher is very much unlike me. It takes me a bit of time to get over a bad first impression, whereas he is no where near as judgmental. (We are living proof that opposites do attract).

I made a pact with myself that I would not mope while he was away and that I would try to be as active as possible. Therefore, when I got my 5:37 a.m. wake up call, I did my best to spring out of bed – although if there had been any witnesses, they would call it a slither. I took out the huge load of trash that me, Christopher and our roommate W accumulated on our island in the kitchen over the weekend and I took the pup for a walk.

I am such a good mother, right?

But boy is he frustrating when I haven’t had much sleep and it’s still within the hours of 5 and 6 in the morning. I may have to buy a coffee pot for the house because I think it’s pretty fair to say that I should never have to confront a beagle mix in the early morning hours until I have had at least cup o’ caffeine.

He stops and sniffs and tinkles – no poo. Stops, sniffs and tinkles. This progresses until eventually he is just propping up his leg on everything even though nothing is coming out. BUT STILL no poo – which makes me feel really bad because I know that I’m going to have to crate him up for a good 8 hours with no potty break because I work 45 minutes away from home sweet home. I say he brought it on himself and maybe he’ll learn in the future that mommy doesn’t have an hour and a half to wander around aimlessly in front of our apartment complex in my shorty pajamas just because he is having performance anxiety.

The day was definitely off to a shaky start but thankfully it started looking up after I took my first sip of my overpriced java.

Now, I just have to get passed the fact that it only 2:30, I don’t get out of work until 4, but every time I look at the clock on 3 minutes have passed.

I 'Hatha' do something

I am becoming increasingly more annoyed at work recently and I am really not sure of the cause of these ill-tempered feelings. I do know that I am very much looking forward to the weekend. I want to sleep in, read my book, maybe take a walk around downtown – be touristy.

I want to forget that I have a high stress job; that my fiancé is leaving for Miami on Sunday only to return for monthly visits over the next 2 years; that my bank account never seems to have adequate amounts of moolah just hanging out; that one of my best friends has a grandfather who is dying; that my other best friend lives halfway across the country; that my sperm-donor-daddy won’t stop calling my cell; and finally, that right now my body is covered with about a million mosquito bites.

Sleep. Sleep is good.

On a good / stress-relieving note, I started a hatha-yoga-for-beginners course last night. It lasts four weeks and costs $45, which isn’t too shabby. When I left the studio last night, I really did feel better. I felt like smiling and for once the base of my head / neck area on the left side of my body wasn’t in pain.

The class only meets once a week, but I am going to try and fit in a bit of yoga every day. Since I am just a beginner, I am focusing on the basic Sun Salutation (Soorya Namaskaram). I am trying but flexibility and upper body strength are must haves that I have yet to get.

I am just tired of looking in the mirror and not really liking my body. Hopefully this class will turn things around for me. Yoga is known to not only have positive effects on your physical appearance but also on your soul. And I definitely need my ‘sole’ to be ‘heeled.’ J I crack myself up.

Christopher says it’s good that I can make myself laugh hysterically because it reassures him that I won’t be so lonely without him around to keep my company. It is very true that I have some of my best conversations with myself.

I think I’m going to go ahead and beg off now because this is turning into one really long tangent and I should probably get some work done … or read online.

Wanna get married? How bout Thursday? Ooo I think I have a lunch, I can fit it in after work tho. That doesn't work for me. Maybe next week. Cool.

Lately I have been thinking really hard about what appears to be the recent impermanence of marriage. It seems like today I see nothing but the continuous destruction of relationship after relationship. Marriage, something that was once entered into with the thought of being together 'till death do us part,' has now been turned into Plan A and if that doesn't work out, well then there's always 25 other plans waiting in the wings. This weekend I found out that a friend of mine and Christopher is going through a divorce and it hit both Christopher and I as being completely out of left field - especially since I just commented on this individual earlier in the week with a thought of how loving he is toward his wife and how I think behavior such as that should never go unnoticed or be underappreciated because it's precious.

Recently on NPR, I overheard an audio essay that said having sex without a condom is considered more of a commitment than marriage because it shows trust in your chosen sexual partner. After all, you can get a marriage annulled but an STD is not so easily disposed of. How sad.

I found the following by googling Thoughts on Marriage. I did remove some content because it was a little too praise-be-to-God, but I did like the overall message. If you like it, that's great. If you don't, let me know why. After all, I like to think that I think very highly of marriage and I know that I want to get married in the future - but how will I know when it's right if all of the marriages I am exposed to end wrong?

Thoughts on Marriage
<http://jon.limedaley.com/plog/archives/2007/01/17/thoughts-on-marriage>

A friend of John Kuhns was asked some questions about marriage and what the point of it is. This was his response:

I think you are right that marriage is becoming less and less meaningful these days. People seem to think of marriage as just a very-committed relationship. When you are in a very committed relationship then the next step is to get married. I think this approach misses what marriage is really supposed to be about. Marriage is supposed to be an INSEPARABLE union where two people become one person. This is shown symbolically by taking the same last name and such things.

Marriage is when two people commit to give their lives to each other for the rest of their lives. The love that makes marriage work is not a feeling of love. If it was, then feelings come and go and so would marriage. Marriage love is a DECISION to value the other person as highly as yourself. So if something is wrong with them then you work on fixing it as much as you would if it was yourself.

But people don't think this way. People think you get married just because you are in love (feeling). Then the feeling goes away for a time (because of stress at work or concerns with children or whatever) and people decide they made a mistake and get divorced. Many times they try to work things out but because their view of marriage is based on feelings unless those "in love" feelings come back soon they despair and decide their marriage is hopeless.

I was thinking about love feelings recently and I realized that when you are in love you can be completely selfish and think you are being so loving. See, when you are in love then these feelings make you want to do nice things for the other person. The feelings make beautiful words flow from your mouth. The feelings make you sweet and kind and giving to the other person. But you aren't really doing it for the other person - you are doing it because it makes you feel good!

BUT that is not true love! Love is self-giving. That is, when it does not benefit yourself and only the other person you still do it. Say your loved one is sad. If you have no feelings for them at the moment then you might not feel like sitting down and talking with them about their problems. You might want to watch TV or a movie or do something fun. It's what you do when you don't feel like it that shows what you really are - selfish or self-giving.

So I think people should not marry until they are both willing to commit to never divorcing each other. That is, to never give up on each other. Then the wedding vows like "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health" mean something. And if such a view makes you put off marrying - well, I think that's better. It's better for marriage to be honored by all and for lesser commitments to be easily seen as less.

"I need a hurricane before I go insane" - Alan Jackson & Jimmy Buffett

It’s not even half past 12 but I don’t care, its 5 o’clock somewhere. A nice little diddy but that’s not the kind of hurricane to which I was referring (Although, I do have a half finished bottle of Bacardi Superior Puerto Rican rum in my bottom desk drawer (for emergencies). Actually, that was given to me by B prior to her recent deployment – No Sailor ever feels the need to let good liquor go to waste, I think they can be sent to Captain’s Mast for that.

If you are familiar with my little pie-shaped state, then it’s obvious that all inhabitants of the local area are battening down the hatches in preparation for Hurricane Hanna. I honestly don’t think it’s going to be that bad- just some wind and some rain BUT I am glad that it’s getting me out of working this weekend.

The only issue I foresee this hurricane giving me is delays in getting together content for the next issue of the paper. I already lost time for Monday (Labor Day – which is funny because the entire nation takes off work that day) and now the base will most likely be shut down on Friday. What? Military personnel are expected to dodge bullets but the minute Mother Nature enters the picture, well that’s a bitch we don’t want our men and women to toil with? Like I said, it’s getting me out of work this weekend, so I am happy about that.

Enough of the sarcasm and doom. I have yet to mention my recent vacation so I did want to share a few pictures from mine and Christopher's adventures :