Wanna get married? How bout Thursday? Ooo I think I have a lunch, I can fit it in after work tho. That doesn't work for me. Maybe next week. Cool.

Lately I have been thinking really hard about what appears to be the recent impermanence of marriage. It seems like today I see nothing but the continuous destruction of relationship after relationship. Marriage, something that was once entered into with the thought of being together 'till death do us part,' has now been turned into Plan A and if that doesn't work out, well then there's always 25 other plans waiting in the wings. This weekend I found out that a friend of mine and Christopher is going through a divorce and it hit both Christopher and I as being completely out of left field - especially since I just commented on this individual earlier in the week with a thought of how loving he is toward his wife and how I think behavior such as that should never go unnoticed or be underappreciated because it's precious.

Recently on NPR, I overheard an audio essay that said having sex without a condom is considered more of a commitment than marriage because it shows trust in your chosen sexual partner. After all, you can get a marriage annulled but an STD is not so easily disposed of. How sad.

I found the following by googling Thoughts on Marriage. I did remove some content because it was a little too praise-be-to-God, but I did like the overall message. If you like it, that's great. If you don't, let me know why. After all, I like to think that I think very highly of marriage and I know that I want to get married in the future - but how will I know when it's right if all of the marriages I am exposed to end wrong?

Thoughts on Marriage
<http://jon.limedaley.com/plog/archives/2007/01/17/thoughts-on-marriage>

A friend of John Kuhns was asked some questions about marriage and what the point of it is. This was his response:

I think you are right that marriage is becoming less and less meaningful these days. People seem to think of marriage as just a very-committed relationship. When you are in a very committed relationship then the next step is to get married. I think this approach misses what marriage is really supposed to be about. Marriage is supposed to be an INSEPARABLE union where two people become one person. This is shown symbolically by taking the same last name and such things.

Marriage is when two people commit to give their lives to each other for the rest of their lives. The love that makes marriage work is not a feeling of love. If it was, then feelings come and go and so would marriage. Marriage love is a DECISION to value the other person as highly as yourself. So if something is wrong with them then you work on fixing it as much as you would if it was yourself.

But people don't think this way. People think you get married just because you are in love (feeling). Then the feeling goes away for a time (because of stress at work or concerns with children or whatever) and people decide they made a mistake and get divorced. Many times they try to work things out but because their view of marriage is based on feelings unless those "in love" feelings come back soon they despair and decide their marriage is hopeless.

I was thinking about love feelings recently and I realized that when you are in love you can be completely selfish and think you are being so loving. See, when you are in love then these feelings make you want to do nice things for the other person. The feelings make beautiful words flow from your mouth. The feelings make you sweet and kind and giving to the other person. But you aren't really doing it for the other person - you are doing it because it makes you feel good!

BUT that is not true love! Love is self-giving. That is, when it does not benefit yourself and only the other person you still do it. Say your loved one is sad. If you have no feelings for them at the moment then you might not feel like sitting down and talking with them about their problems. You might want to watch TV or a movie or do something fun. It's what you do when you don't feel like it that shows what you really are - selfish or self-giving.

So I think people should not marry until they are both willing to commit to never divorcing each other. That is, to never give up on each other. Then the wedding vows like "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health" mean something. And if such a view makes you put off marrying - well, I think that's better. It's better for marriage to be honored by all and for lesser commitments to be easily seen as less.